Sisterhood - A word we have yet to understand
Friend: a noun typically meaning a person who was initially a stranger but we chose to build a bond with. Someone we allow to meet our family, someone who we share secrets and life lessons with. A connection I failed to appreciate and truly understand for a number of years, which is why I decided to write this blog. Unfortunately, I don’t think my lack of understanding resigns only inside of my old friendship but remain in many friendships around me today. From observations of my surroundings, I truly believe many of friendships between women in our society today don’t have the substance, or bond it appears to have.
Women love to love right? We are just naturally nurturing and caregivers… to our children, family and spouse. However, we don’t necessarily naturally embody that love for other woman so naturally.
Why do we give man countless second changes after they make mistakes, uplift them, genuinely love and invest our all in them more frequently than we do in our sisters? Why do we allow our friendships to die so easily after one fight or disagreement although, it was alive for so many years? What’s the disconnect in our natural understanding of woman to man relationships vs. woman to woman relationships?
These are the questions I asked myself as I began to grow into my 20’s and began refocusing my energy from building with male energy (which seemed so much more instinctive) & moved that energy into building with the woman (friends) around me.
Disclaimer: Since this world is a beautiful ying yang and there are two sides to everything, including life experiences and perceptive I understand this blog might not be applicable to you and your friendships which is ok. However, if you have been in friendships where there’s a bond because of the memories but it’s not as deep of a connection as you would like it to be, please read on.
With time, I began to dissect the differences of my investment in males and females and for me that exercise was magical.
Unfortunately, our society, media, and even our mothers at times, paint this picture of the woman constantly caring and taking care of a man which is why it’s so easy to love males. We grow up in a society with imagery telling us we aren’t whole without a man, marriage or motherhood. Its instinctive for a woman to believe that marriage is the end all be all. With that being said, loving a man is pretty much primitive.
Now with woman, it’s different. This process is different. This process is something we have to learn and is much worth doing so. It’s a harder process that takes practice and understanding.
Because this connection is harder to build, I believe WOMEN DO NOT INVEST ENOUGH IN ONE ANOTHER. And for that reason I challenged myself to invest fully in my girlfriends. I began asking them the deep questions I’ve asked my boyfriends. I challenged myself to put deep thought into their gifts with immense effort, and most importantly I took the time to get to know them deeply. So deeply that I understood our fights with such clarity that I couldn’t just walk away. I understood our differences and their flaws in such detail that I seen beauty in them. I invested in my girlfriends as much as I did in my ex boyfriends, that it became just as hard to give up on my girls as it was for my male companions.
This practice has been extremely rewarding process for me so I’d like to challenge you to take your friendships out of the usual dinner dates and partying but do something for the first time together. I challenge you to have wine nights, taco Tuesdays, book clubs, mountain hikes with a picnic when you reach the top and INVEST your feelings, mind and body into your women companions as you do in men. Stop putting in ordinary effort into a friendship and expecting an extraordinary connection.